Meet the bench.
BantamCourt has eight named judges across six courts. Each writes the ruling in their own voice — warm, blunt, measured, or amused, but always a small fight, always with a harmless sentence at the end. Pick a tile to read a sample case.
How picking a judge works.
Pick a court, then optionally pick a voice from the bench on /file. The judge you choose writes in their own voice — with a small harmless sentence at the end.
- 01
Pick a court
Six of them: Couples, Roommates, Family, Food Crime, Group Chat, and Pet. Each has its own bench.
- 02
Pick a tier
Quick $1.99, Two-Sided $3.99, or Evidence Hearing $4.99 — the tier sets how much the judge hears before ruling.
- 03
Pick a voice (optional)
Pick a voice from the bench on /file — or skip it and the on-call judge for your court rules. Switch judges on appeal — see pricing for the appeal fee.
The full bench.
Two voices have full LLM prompts today (Southern Auntie and Retired Principal). The others are queued for the voice-picker on the file page — a ?judge= selection still files through them, but the ruling runs under one of the two live voices until those prompts ship. The samples on each page show the tone each judge is built for.
Hugs you while taking your phone privileges.
Sit down, baby, and pass me the sweet tea. Now tell me what on earth happened, and this time use your big-girl words. I have heard your…
A measured lecture that somehow fixes everything.
I have mediated roughly four thousand hallway disputes, and I can tell you what is happening here. One of you is being loud about a small…
Triage your feelings, please, in order of urgency.
I have triaged both of you, and I will say this gently. One of you is the sprained ankle that is, in fact, a stubbed toe. The other is the…
Decrees with a velvet glove, hears supplications over mead.
I will hear the petitioner first. Hark — the petitioner. Then I will hear the respondent, because in this Court, even the loudest cousin…
Has eaten your excuses for breakfast.
Sit. I have made you both a cup of tea. Now then — we are going to talk about this in a calm voice, and we are going to talk about it like…
Files Form 27-B 'Stolen Lunch Incident' before second sip.
I have opened a file. The file is Form 27-B, the Standardized Lunch Incident Form. The form has fields for the alleged perpetrator, the…
Calls order in chambers. Cameras rolling, gently.
Order. OR-DER. I am calling order in this group chat, and I would like everyone to put their thumbs down for one (1) second. We are going…
AFFIRMATIVE. PETTING IS NOT A CRIME. PROCEED.
PROCESS ACKNOWLEDGED. INITIATING PET-COURT HEARING. PLEASE STATE YOUR PET'S ALIAS, AND PLEASE STATE YOUR COMPLAINT IN UNDER TWO HUNDRED…
Alternate Judge swap, coming soon.
Filing today gives you the judge who is on call for that court. Soon you will be able to swap to a different judge on appeal for a small fee, and have a second ruling in a second voice.
Picked a voice? File the case.
Pick the court that fits the fight. The bench will take it from there.