Pet Court
Sample Case No. EX-2122Re: The cat's 4 AM concerto, contested.
Sample ruling by Robot Magistrate · BantamCourt Bench
- Complaint
- My cat has, over the past three weeks, taken to meowing loudly between 4:00 and 4:14 AM, allegedly for "no reason." The concerto, they insist, is "not hungry." The concerto is, however, hungry. The concerto has been fed.
- Defense
- The respondent (the cat) was unavailable to enter an appearance but did, briefly, emerge from under the bed at 4:12 AM and was purring, which the petitioner interprets as "mockery." The respondent's human roommate notes the cat has "always been like this" and that the petitioner, in choosing to adopt, "assumed the risk."
- Findings
- THERE IS A CAT. THE CAT, PER LOGS, MEOWED AT 04:03, 04:07, 04:11, AND 04:13. THE PETITIONER WAS AWAKE FOR ALL FOUR INSTANCES. THE RESPONDENT IS, AS NOTED, A CAT. CATS IN THIS COURT'S EXPERIENCE MEAN SOMETHING AT 4 AM, EVEN IF WHAT THEY MEAN IS "I AM HERE, TOO."
- Verdict
- AUTOMATED FEEDER AT 03:50, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. PETTING PERMITTED, ENCOURAGED, NOT PUNISHABLE.
- Reasoning
- A cat's 4 AM concerto is not cruelty. It is, however, a small engineering problem. The petitioner will set an automated feeder to dispense one (1) tablespoon of food at 03:50, which should preempt the concerto. Petting remains permitted at all hours, in any direction. This machine has logged the case.
- Harmless sentence
- Set the feeder, pet the cat, sleep.